Narcissist manipulation techniques

Toxic individuals such as manipulative, two-timing narcissists, sociopaths and any person with some kind of antisocial characteristics are best known for their selfishness. Their personal interests gravitate around power.

They are highly driven by malevolent motives to mercilessly hurt others without having a tiny speck of remorse. You see, these individuals are so taken with themselves, they do not see clearly.

They are their own center of the universe. Hopefully, if you are lucky enough you can avoid these traits, however, if you suspect in a person that they are playing you, here are 11 manipulative methods narcissists usually use against you:. Another way they do this is by putting you on a pedestal while attacking someone who threatened their superiority.

It is a vicious tactic of bringing a third person in the picture, another perspective in order to validate their actions while invalidating your thoughts.

This mind game proceeds as they defend their behavior and use the third party as a weapon against your uncertainties until you completely lose your sanity. Whatever you do, get as far as you can when a narcissist is about to burst out of aggression. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, these are the traits of a psychological abuser:.

Every insecurity you have inside yourself, every disturbing sentence that destroys your confidence, or topics that scratch your unhealed wounds. And they exactly know the perfect moment to bring that up.

So, playing the victim and tricking you into thinking they need you is the best way for them to set the trap. A sadistic narcissist will search for ways to use your insecurities and troubles in their favor. I have experienced this twice in my life, from former family members. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly.

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The Power Of Silence. Stuck In Quarantine? Instead, Learn To Shop Safely. Author Recent Posts. Stephanie Reeds. A professional writer with many years of experience in the fields of psychology, human relationships, science, and spirituality. Latest posts by Stephanie Reeds see all. Please enter your comment! Please enter your name here. You have entered an incorrect email address! This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.

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We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website.They walk among us in offices every day, appearing at first like normal colleagues.

One study found that a small but significant portion of business leaders to 4 percent--meet the clinical definition of a psychopath. The same goes for narcissists. Science shows a touch of narcissism can actually aid business successbut spend any time at all in the world of work and you quickly discover some professionals let their self-love run wild.

The long and short of it is this: In the course of a normal business career you're almost guaranteed to run into a few truly toxic narcissists and psychopaths who will try to abuse and manipulate you. The excerpts below might seem extensive, but these 10 short summaries are actually just a small fraction of the advice available in the complete post.

How can you fight back? That's called projection. We all do it a little, but narcissists and psychopaths do it a lot. The solution? You said a co-worker sometimes fails to consider the long-term ramifications of a certain financial decisions. The office psychopath claims you called him "a loose cannon. Your narcissistic colleague tells the boss you said the deal is "a disaster. What's going on? It's not just that your nemesis didn't understand what you said. It's that he or she had no interest in understanding.

To counter it, "hold onto your truth and resist generalizing statements by realizing that they are in fact forms of black and white illogical thinking. This is when, even after you've provided all the evidence in the world to validate your argument or taken an action to meet their request, they set up another expectation of you or demand more proof," says Arabi.

Don't play that game. Know that you are enough and you don't have to be made to feel constantly deficient or unworthy in some way," Arabi advises. Switching conversational topics sounds innocent enough, but in the hands of a master manipulator, a change of subject becomes a means to avoid accountability. This sort of thing can go on forever if you let it, making it impossible to actually engage on the relevant issue.

Try "the "broken record method" to fight back: "Continue stating the facts without giving in to their distractions. Redirect their redirection by saying, 'That's not what I am talking about. Let's stay focused on the real issue. Simply don't tolerate it. A smear campaign is a preemptive strike to sabotage your reputation and slander your name," Arabi explains.

Don't let them succeed. Beware when a colleague seems to love you while aggressively denigrating the last person who held your position. But this dynamic can happen in the professional realm as well as the personal one. Simple awareness of the phenomenon is the first step to countering it.

The problem isn't your sense of humor, it's the hidden intention of that cutting joke.Do you often engage in conversations with your narcissist that leave you feeling like you were talking to a brick wall — or worse, maybe leave you feeling like banging your head against a brick wall?

Perhaps, it has even crossed your mind that you would have been better off conversing with a brick wall because the wall would have more capacity of providing understanding, validation, and empathy than the narcissist in your life! The circular conversations leave you feeling worse off than if you had never had them in the first place.

You begin to blame yourself, doubt your instincts and wonder what the heck is going on? Before we realize the truth about the narcissist in our lives, we relate to them as if they are normal human beings possessing a conscience, integrity and some degree of self-awareness.

We give them the benefit of the doubt because we believe they truly love no one who truly loves us would purposely say or do anything to hurt our feelings and us. Conversations with a narcissist, especially if you hold opinions about anything that contradict with their opinion of what is the gospel truth, are jam-packed with a barrage of covert manipulation tactics that are intrinsic to the narcissist and entrenched in their personality.

They will make you wish you never disagreed with them in the first place and regret that you had ever dared to express your point of view.

narcissist manipulation techniques

A simple disagreement will often incite a full-fledged attack on you. Narcissists never enter into conversations. They enter into verbal competitions. Their goal is to win at all costs. They have no interest in seeking understanding, clarification or compromise, or in reaching a meeting of the minds.

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Their conversations are only meant to manipulate, confuse, control, destabilize, deflect accountability, cast doubt, distort reality and create drama. But first the narcissist will discipline you with their collection of manipulation tactics, so when they do give you the boot, you will be sure to go out believing the reasons for your dismissal were all your fault.

Blame shifting is usually a tactic used subsequently to the Topic Switcheroo. The narcissist, like a magician, successfully changes the topic and diverts your attention by pointing the finger at you, and you suddenly find yourself on the defensive end of the conversation stick. The narcissist will raise questions about any and all of your real or perceived faults and pummel you.

narcissist manipulation techniques

You, in turn, instinctively defend yourself, and the narcissist, just like Houdini, makes the original topic of their bad behavior disappear and escapes having to take any accountability for their actions. What they say and do when no one is watching is drastically different from what they say and do in the presence of others. Since they are all about maintaining their false persona they use projection to rid the unwanted traits in their character. Did you ever notice how they will accuse the most generous person of being selfish or having a hidden agenda behind their generosity?

The most honest person is accused of being a liar. Their faithful partner is accused of cheating? When and if they resort to character assignation, their comments more closely resemble the truth and tend to resemble slander.Some people find themselves in a relationship with a narcissist, claw their way out, and do their best to write-off or avoid other narcissists for the rest of their lives.

Or perhaps they continue to put up with narcissistic abuse from coworkers or family members. Using cognitive empathy, the abuser is able to seek out and target individuals with highly compassionate, loving, and caring empathetic traits. This is why the narcissist finds it so easy to exploit and manipulate your empathetic traits, found below. Narcissists are attracted to people with specific qualities.

These qualities give the abuser a foot in the door to carry out their narcissistic manipulation tactics and suck the life force from their victims. Other people might not put up with narcissistic abuse past a very early point. But people with empathic traits are different: they have a desire to help, heal, and fix people. With these traits, you might as well be wearing a red bullseye for narcissists!

Identifying what draws narcissists to your personality is the first step. Some people believe that trust must be earned upon meeting someone.

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When you first met the narcissist, they probably obliged your need for basic equality and dignity. But brick by brick, their charade started to crumble.

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Until one day, you find yourself apologizing because you had the nerve to let the narcissist know they hurt your feelings.

The narcissist used their cognitive empathy to get into your head and exploit your compassionate empathy. To narcissists, people with compassionate empathy are like a drug.

Every time they beat you down and carry out their narcissistic manipulation tactics to exploit you, they get their fragile ego fix — and no one abusing drugs wants their supply to run out. This is perhaps one of the most bittersweet traits that makes you a magnet for narcissists. They know that when you love someone, you love them unconditionally. This can apply to all types of relationships including romantic partners, friends, and family members. You believe that everyone is deserving of unconditional love.

The narcissist understands this about you and fully exploits it. In between fights and abusive slurs, you may find the narcissist will briefly apologize, shower you with praise, and promise to change. These traits are weaknesses that should be hidden. In the beginning, the narcissist will pretend to appreciate your honesty and compassion.

However, slowly but surely, they will use these traits against you. Did you tell the narcissist your worst fears? Things that make you sad or mad? Trauma from your past? The narcissist will freely dig all of that up every time they need to carry out narcissistic manipulation tactics and exploit your genuine and very valid emotions.

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You believe that if everyone had a loving environment in which to thrive, and the right opportunities, they could turn themselves around. The narcissist knows that you have a burning desire to truly heal them, so they cling to you for dear life.

This is how the narcissist manipulates you for their own gain. As someone who loves unconditionally, is automatically trusting, and has a strong desire to fix people, it only makes sense that you have trouble setting boundaries. People who are good at setting boundaries are very vocal about their boundaries upon meeting someone and narcissists can easily sniff this out.

The narcissist will simply laugh in your face, gaslight you, and tear it down. This abuser could come in the form of a romantic partner, mother, father, friend, or coworker. You can only control and change your own actions — and ultimately your own life. Kim Saeed is an internationally respected self-help author and educator specializing in recovery and rebuilding after narcissistic abuse.

Kim is a credentialed educator with a background in psychology, education, research and development, and organizational development.However, a regular, well-intentioned person is usually genuinely willing to become better at it. As someone who has been fascinated by and studied philology i. Most people, however, are not knowledgeable in these disciplines and therefore may become easily confused, frustrated, intimidated, or shocked when they encounter certain toxic tactics commonly used by narcissists and other manipulators.

And so in this article we will explore some typical techniques a narcissist uses in conflicts and similar social situations. When in disagreement, a common person tries to understand the other party, listen to them, be honest, and make sure they understand where others are coming from. Sure, sometimes people can slip and become too upset or too anxious. Narcissists on the other hand argue in what is sometimes referred to as bad faith. Or even worse, they are dedicated to deliberately misunderstanding and mischaracterizing others, often to the point of absurdity.

They are willingly dishonest, deceptive, and morally corrupt.

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Often while at the same time quick to accuse others of being dishonest, deceptive, and morally corrupt more on that in 5. Narcissists are often ill-equipped to have mature discussions or resolve conflicts yet in their mind they are experts at it. Sometimes to the degree that they become extremely upset or even aggressive that you are being irrational, unreasonable, uneducated, and unwilling or unable to have a mature conversation.

In more extreme cases it is called word saladas in a mix of words that are just thrown together with no coherence or structure. This category involves the more overtly aggressive tactics commonly used by narcissists. Such methods include provokingbullyingand intimidatingwhere the narcissist picks on you, calls you names, yells, acts overly emotional, deliberately tries to hurt you, blatantly lies, threatens, or even physically aggresses against you. Often to the degree of pure denial and delusion.

An attempt to confuse the other person and make them doubt their experiences or reality by lying about it is called gaslighting. Another method that falls in this category is redefining to suit their narrative. Sometimes it means reframing or minimizing their toxic behavior to confuse you. This means they will use their toxic tactics to quickly shift attention from themselves and bring up something that you may or may not have said or done.

Often to the degree where they try to always keep you on the defense by accusing you of all sorts of stuff, some of which includes the things they are actually doing themselves narcissistic projection.

And if you make a mistake of actually trying to address it, you will get distracted from the initial issue and soon become overwhelmed by all the stuff that now you are expected to address and clarify. Narcissists have extremely fragile egos and a shaky sense of self-esteem.

They find it terribly offensive, and feel shame, injustice, and rage narcissistic injury. To regulate their overwhelming emotions, they often try to receive false validation. This means looking for people who would side with them and tell them that you are wrong and evil and they are right and good. It involves lying, smearing, slandering, triangulating, gossiping, stalking, and other forms of social aggression and manipulation.

In a social interaction, discussion, or argument, regular, well-meaning people treat others with curiosity, empathy, and good faith.

How do narcissists control you? What techniques do they use?

A narcissist, on the other hand, sees interaction as a win-lose situation. For that, they use certain common and predictable tactics that include but are not limited to arguing in bad faith, lying, denying, deflecting and attacking, gaslighting, and intimidating.If you have clients who are intentionally exploited by their spouses; endure regular insults and rejection, alternating with affirmation; and feel manipulated into doing or saying something out of character, then they might be experiencing abuse.

Managing A Narcissist - Ann Barnes - TEDxCollingwood

Abuse is not just physical. There are many other forms of abuse, such as sexual, financial, emotional, mental, and verbal. While some of the other forms of abuse are obvious, mental abuse by a narcissist can be difficult to spot. It starts simply with a casual comment about anything: color of the wall, dishes in the sink, or the car needing maintenance. The remark is taken out of context by the narcissist to mean that their spouse disapproves of them in some way.

You can teach your clients to memorize these maneuvers, remain silent when they are being used, and end the conversation as soon as possible. This will keep them from being a victim of mental abuse. Note: This article is written about a narcissistic husband married to a woman but the reverse is also equally valid.

Christine is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor by the State of Florida with over fifteen years of experience in counseling, teaching and ministry.

She works primarily with exhausted women and their families in conflict situations to ensure peaceful resolutions at home and in the workplace. She has blogs, articles, and newsletters designed to assist in meeting your needs. You can connect with her at her website Grow with Christine at www. Find help or get online counseling now. Psych Central Professional. About the Blog. How did this happen? It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence. Gaslighting — Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their victim doubt her memory, perception, and sanity.

They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt. She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago. The Stare — This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it. It is designed to scare a victim into submission and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment. Silent Treatment — Narcissists punish by ignoring.

This is to modify her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things. Projection — They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion.

Twisting — When narcissistic spouses are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions.Hopefully, in your life, you will avoid ever having to deal with narcissists who try to manipulate you. Narcissists have several traits, but above all, a narcissist is selfish. They are motivated by what is best for themnot what is best for you, and it is unlikely that you will ever be able to change that about their nature.

Narcissists believe that they are always correct, and to prove this, they will bring in a third person whom they have already convinced to support them. This is clearly unfair, because if you had known that there was an evidentiary hearing, you would have brought witnesses of your own.

Narcissists often get away with their wrong opinions through the smokescreen of having plenty of people on their side. You may have once seemed to be everything the narcissist wanted you to be, but now it feels like they hate the very things they once said they liked about you. This is a way that the narcissist manipulates you into believing that you need to be even more than you are in order to please them.

If you internalize this, you will feel that you have little worth. In reality, you deserve more and should not allow yourself to be devalued by anyone. Researchers studying narcissistic personality traits as they relate to aggressive behavior say that narcissists show strong associations with overt aggression, verbal aggression, and the inability to control their behavior or emotions.

11 Manipulation Methods Narcissists Use To Get Inside Your Head

Do not get into an unsafe situation with a narcissist. Make sure that you protect yourself from falling victim to the abusive tendencies of a narcissist. Again, you deserve better. Although physical aggression is easy to see, psychological aggression is harder to identify. These are the traits of a psychological abuser according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline:. If you are fearful for your safety, get to a safe location and call or visit thehotline.

Belittling others and making them feel less valuable is one way a narcissist will try to manipulate you. If they can make you feel ashamed for your appearance, lack of education, or social class, then they feel better by comparison.

narcissist manipulation techniques

By playing victim, the narcissist is forcing you to console them and help them justify their inflated ego. By doing so, you are supporting the ego of the narcissist by being their lackey and smoothing things over, making it easier for them to continue getting away with unacceptable behavior.

Not only that, but the narcissist immediately turns the topic back to themselves and cuts you off when you are speaking, but will not tolerate it if you cut them off. Whatever it is that you accuse the narcissist of doing, they reflect and blame you for. They project their behavior onto others because they believe they themselves are flawless. This is another form of them manipulating you.

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Somehow, they used a ploy to get you to obey their command in spite of your not wanting to. Gaslighting is an insidious tool used by psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. This tactic makes you question your own sanity. For example, if you tell a narcissist that you dislike what they said to you in front of your friends, they will deny it, offer proof that you are wrong, and assert that it never happened. No matter what proof you can provide to support your claim, they will insist that you were imagining things.

Yelling and using insulting language is another way a narcissist will try to manipulate you. Again, the tactic is to make you feel small and fearful. Stay strong in the face of this kind of bullying behavior. Keep your voice calm and at a normal volume; ask the narcissist to do the same. If they do not change the way that they are speaking to you, refuse to talk to them.

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